“I can’t do it.” “Why should I try?” “It’s never good enough anyways.”
If your child has low self-esteem, you’ve heard these words more times than you’d like to count. Understanding the reasons for low self-esteem, as well as knowing how to increase their self-esteem, is vital for helping your child overcome negative feelings toward himself.
In this article, we’ll look at the myths of self-esteem, discover what really causes low self-esteem, and how to help your child develop a high level of self-esteem.
The Myths of Low Self-Esteem
1. A child who feels badly has low self-esteem. Feeling bad can actually be very good for your child’s morality and motivation. Feeling bad about a choice tells your child that she or he needs to make a different choice. It’s when these feelings are chronic, excessive, or unexplained—that’s where the danger lies.
2. If my child just had higher self-esteem, she would be able to _______. Improving self-esteem does not necessarily lead to higher performance, test scores, or turn your uncoordinated child into an all-star quarterback. Parents will often (mistakenly) gauge their child’s self-esteem by how well their child does at a particular task, but they should know this is not the best barometer for their self-esteem. One of the biggest myths is that shy children have low esteem; while this can often be true, the two are not necessarily the same thing.
3. I must have done something wrong. As you will read in this article, beating yourself up for having a shy child is anything but fruitful. And you might be wrong as to your thinking that you caused your child’s low self-esteem. But you feel helpless for helping your child. If you have done something wrong, take ownership for it, and change.
What Causes Low Self-esteem?
The answer to this question is incredibly complex, and for each child the answer is different. We’ll start with the basics.
1. Biology, or genetics, account for 50% of one’s behavior. While biological parents serve as the gene pool for their child, the combinations of genes can have profound differences, even between siblings or parents and their child. I should add that the scientific estimates for how much biology influences people varies a great deal, but it’s clear that biology plays a role in our body’s chemistry, mood regulation, and personality.
2. Experiences, especially early in your child’s life, have a profound effect on how they see themselves. The more positive the experiences, the more likely your child will believe in himself. Children who learn they can make a positive difference, and have some level of control over their environment, tend to be more confident in themselves.
Five Ways to Parent A Child With Low Self-Esteem
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