The woman at the well has given me much on my journey. You see I am not unlike her, if Jesus were to speak to me in front of you he would also know that I have had three husbands. THREE. It’s not something I am proud of, nor shared with the purpose of tauting some accomplishment. The most poignant thing that Jesus says to her (me) is “go and sin no more.” Marriage is a sacred thing. Our lives, Les and I, have seen brokenness, we live and have seen our children be deeply affected by our choices as divorced from their parent mom and dad, and as broken people. Divorce is an ugly thing, however God is a God of restoration, not condemnation and I personally have reaped the benefits of that truth of that promise of restoration.
Les and I met after both of us were divorced from our children’s other parents. We both made a choice early on to work with staying in communication and in unity with our children’s families. You see, we felt that our failing them as parents who stayed married should not continue into making our children choose. We feel our children need their other parents, and they need the unity that four parents who are not in strife can bring to their table of growing up. Is it easy? Uhm no. We are four different humans with different values, incomes, schedules, and thoughts, but we are all on the line when it comes to raising our children to be healthy, happy, prepared adults.
Marriage to someone who is not your only spouse you’ve ever had means that you will forever be a part of a union that exists because another marriage fell apart. There is an innocence lost when you have first hand knowledge that your husband not only can leave, but know what it is like to have two do so. The personal knowledge of your own failure to thrive in marriage is a humbling foundation of entering remarriage. Folks like to be kind, to say someone else was responsible, but I am quick to say that each person in a divorce is 100% responsible for their half of a marriage ending. It is not a pleasant or fluffy place to live, but it is absolutely true in my experience. Relationships require both parties to own responsibility for their actions. The next few weeks each Monday BasicsMatter.com will have a Marriage Monday feature. Les and I will be writing on Remarriage each week, we hope you will join us.