Wifehood

This morning I took a quiet morning drive after dropping off the boys, while Madison still was foggy at home. A town very near our own and more like the home I left in Arkansas…..more trees, old bulbs and beautiful yards with acerage around them. The reason for this drive was reflection time. I adore my husband, truly. I adore him. Our marriage is my third. (yes, I know, shocking isn’t it) It wasn’t the goal of my raising nor pride that has me telling you this. However, knowing this, you will perhaps understand that when one has been given the grace to begin again after many years and heartaches, one does not take this for granted.
My DH (dear husband) is a steady, faithful man. He is a tremendous teacher, leader, worker and the most integrity filled man I have ever known. In many ways he is self made in that he had no one showing him how to be a man….how to lead a family…how to be a leader at work. He has learned each step through God’s guidance and the prayers of others in his life who have since his birth, prayed God’s protection and favor upon Him.
All families are complicated. Ours is no different, though we have a few extra folds of wrinkles to deal with, helping our children to stay near to all their parents and grandparents makes for calendar juggling extraordinaire. Helping slay the world’s view that once divorced life must be petty and angry at the past is another. And then there is always, always the healing that must be continually worked through in the brokenness of our children and our own lives from the divorces we were a party to.
I told someone recently that after a combined 20 years of marriage, it was somewhat different to actually live in the same house, in the same state with ONE person daily for the last almost seven years. Sounds humorous and certainly leads audiences to wonder…..but truly, though I was married for 14 years before this marriage, this is my first experience of living with a person in a household daily. Though I was married for ten years to the children’s father, I functioned as a single mom on her own entirely emotionally, financially, physically and certainly in presence.
That being said, I am not a domestic girl. Being raised to be a CEO or CEO’s wife, the daily tasks and skills required to be a homemaker were indeed not on my career plan. It wasn’t that I was told that it wasn’t important, nor needed, but more implied that it wasn’t the best of what I could offer to others, and let those who couldn’t do what I could do handle those details. Quite pomp thinking wasn’t it?
Enter the husband who’s life ambitions included having the ability to support a wife who supports our home and our children and himself by staying home. Ooops, this may be an issue if the girl never learned how. So for six years now I have worked on literally learning the skills of how to keep a home clean, how to budget, sew, cook, and rear our children. Unlike my academic scorecard, if grades were given for my efforts, I’m afraid I wouldn’t achieve a 2.0. Many days I am delighted at doing something to beautify our home and other days satisfied over a well done meal or pie…..but most days….I am resolvedly just flat poor at keeping to my daily goals and needs of the house.
Dh’s job is to love me, however my job is to respect him. (Eph 5:33) Biblically this is the guidance I am given. This week I have reflected and reflected on this one line. …to respect him.
So my mind conjurs that means having a clean kitchen when he arrives, for he has voiced that it is the way he prefers it. That it means no laundry piles, for it pleases him. It means meeting him at the door with a smile that he’s home, because it was one of his life’s desires growing up. It means taking time to go with him on his errands when he’s home because he likes my company…whether I am excited about going or not.
Well, are there any other verses I can ponder? Hmmm??? Hmmm? That one is hitting a little entirely too near where I don’t live it turns out. Dh would not, no never complain or correct or reprimand ….but he doesn’t have to….my conscience is doing the angry boss dance for him. And so each day I endeaver this week to “see” something that I know would show Dh that I do respect his hard work and care for us. To spend time identifying and correcting those areas I do not do well and make things more lovely for his arrival…whether it be my attitude, parenting style, the laundry piles, or what have you….
My mom used to say I was the third child and they went the extra mile to “get it right the third time” I think that was the standing joke privately between my parents…for I of all their children, is probably the least “right” but I am indeed determined in this life to obey God….however many times I fail…..and today, I am thankful again that God is the God of grace and that each time we go to Him, He forgives us, brushes us off and allows us to try again helping us all the way if we simply seek him.

This morning I am thankful for a quiet Lord, one who whispers through breezes as one drives and listens for Him.

Sweetie

Sweetie Berry is said to be somewhere between Mary Poppins, Nanny McPhee, and a Queen Mother for preparing speakers, authors, and entrepreneurs for public life. A wordsmith, a strategist, a lover of growing the gifts within others and herself…she adores Les Berry Sr, mothers all who need mothering and speaks to strangers. From the deep South, she seeks to support others in their understanding that basics matter in their lives. Follow Sweetie @SweetieBerry and http://facebook.com/sweetieberry.strategist

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